Problems are signposts, not commandments!
Changing the way you look at these dreadful little creatures! (Maybe)
Problems and how we fixate on them.
Our lives are never perfect or fair. If someone you know is living it up perfectly, either you don’t know them or they just know how to deal with problems/difficulties/challenges and rough patches. I am not saying you don’t know how to deal with them. All I am saying is let’s for once not go by the learning of what a problem is and how we deal with them.
We are usually thought or automatically function on problems being stressful, something we should fixate on and continuously figure out solutions.
Let’s unlearn looking at the problem in negative, stressful and the “oh my god, I am so dead”. Why don’t we unlearn the fact that problems are to be fixated upon, that they only happen to the unlucky ones, that they are here as god’s revenge?.
Every time you converse with someone on how their life is and if that someone is close, they tend to share how problems have been stressing them. I am not saying a problem is big or small or its inherent nature is defeated. All I am saying is let’s rethink our approach to them.
Sign-posts or commandments?
Oftentimes, problems are looked at as final pitstops. They are looked upon as they are more concrete things happening around us. Why so?
The way I have started looking at problems is that they are signposts. They are here for us to understand better and become better. They aren’t here to stress us out, but they are here as a sign. A sign for a new skill to be developed or to overcome a fear or to get a heads up before we jump into something whole-heartedly.
The moment I started looking at my problems like this, they have stopped stressing me out. I am not saying they are no more intimidating, I have just developed to take some time between having the problem and responding to it.
Whenever something is not working out, instead of sitting on it. I take a break (tiny one) and chase fresh perspectives. It is also equally important to never be attached to a particular solution or outcome. We have to be open to alternatives and trust that in our situation, the best will come to play.
Is it really as easy as it sounds?
It is not. It took me years and I still struggle and panic. However, it is lesser than usually used to. It has broadened my approach towards adversity and I think that has been game-changing.
I just always also remember, no one has it easy and rosy. We all have these problems and challenges of different types. Either you run or you figure.
Something that added to this was an excerpt from the book “Man’s search for Meaning” by Viktor E Frankl-
“ Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death, human life cannot complete.”
“The way in which a man accepts his fate and suffering it entails the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity - even under the. most difficult circumstances to add a deeper meaning to life. Or in the bitter fight for self-preservation, he may forget his human dignity and become no more than an animal. Here lies the chance for a man either to make use of or to forgo the opportunities of attaining the moral values that a difficult situation may afford him. And this decides whether he will be worthy of his sufferings or not”.
Change the way you think, train that mental muscle so nothing can shake the confidence!
Actionable points
Let’s just unlearn the way we see challenges in our life, let’s teach everyone to shift perspectives.
When you are driving a car, you see signs. You understand and follow these signs and do not approach them like you would approach a dead-end. Maybe, that is how you should look at problems.
Be patient, with yourself before you are with others. It may take time, but you will get there.
Remember to categorise problems into kinds that are worth taking a sign from and the others, that are nothing but actual dead-ends.
Let’s face it, we all have our fair share of problems. No one would ever know what the other one is going through as human beings have complex mechanisms and thinking. Let’s be kinder, more approachable and open to listening.